My Immortal Commentary
by TwoAsiansAndABrit
Summary: Many brave readers have read the infamous 'My Immortal'. To those who have survived, we present the hilarious, witty, commentary of this horrible story! PROCEED WITH CAUTION.


**A/N: HELLO! After reading 'My Immortal' we decided to make a commentary of this disgrace to HP. Fortunately, we don't own it. Unfortunately, we don't own HP. As Ebony would say, 'fangz' for reading! Enjoy and review!**

* * *

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **HAHAHAHA! YOU'RE SO FUNNY!** 2 my gf (ew not in that way**.**)

**Actually, I was going to let that pass, but now you mention it…**

raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.**.** _T__**hey**_**obviously didn't do a very good job….**U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Great name…** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like amy Lee. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Because I'm sure being in love with your brother is an amazing idea!** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **White? I thought they were purple, sorry.** I have pale white skin. **Oh, I could've never guessed! Do you sparkle, too? **

I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England ***eyetwitch* you must go to a different Hogwarts, 'cause the one I know is in Scotland…..** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). **You just continue to surprise me! I thought you were eight! **I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **No, of **_**course **_**I couldn't tell** and I wear mostly black. **Pale white skin, and black clothes. Tell me, are you a domino?** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **I just lost all respect for Hot Topic…** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **Yeah, 'cause I totally needed to know all of that…** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun **Surprising… **which I was very happy about. **Is it because you sparkle? No need to be insecure about your sparkling!** A lot of preps stared at me. **Well duh, have you seen what you're wearing?** I put up my middle finger at them.**Classy. **"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **Oh, this just gets better and better.**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Then why did he call you? **But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Pfft. What friends?**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **No, it's not good. Fangz to you too! **

* * *

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!

**If she helped, I don't want to see the original version.**

BTW preps stop flaming ma story  
ok! **It's not preps, it's people with common sense. **

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.

**Damn! I wanted to see her sparkle!**

I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.

**I hope you recycled the bottle!**

My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

**This outfit sounds suspiciously preppy, my friend. **

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Oh Raven, you must be so honored. **woke up then and grinned at me.

She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **So, she grinned and flipped her hair before she opened her eyes? Oh the first thing I do when I wake up is flip my hair.**

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

**Are you sure you're not a domino? **

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

**Since when does anyone actually say "OMFG?"**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

**How would you even see that blush under all that makeup you cake on your face?**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room (**Poor Slytherins) **and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **Woah calm down bitch, she was just asking. **

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

**What a conversation opener!**

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

**Is 'flirtily' a word? We should make a 'My Immortal' dictionary!**

"Guess what." he said.

**What? Tell me Draco, tell me! I'm just dying to know!**

"What?" I asked.

**Aren't you going to guess? No?**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

**What's a muggle band doing in Hogsmeade? CALL THE AURORS! **

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

**How convenient! **

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

**OMG! **_**Total **_**surprise! Never guessed that was going to happen. Now I'm just DYING to read the next chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Just typical getting ready for a date…** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **You should be going for the hot look, not the raccoon look.** Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **You realize that now?** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **Did he rob the Weasley's? **He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **I always use exclamation marks to express my character's depression…..**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **I'm pretty sure a license plate has to be more than three characters…**

and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Wait, then who's driving?**

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **I figured…**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **I wonder why?**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **That's SO smart of you!**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **Jealous much? **

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **B-b-but Draco's suppose to be driving home! Oh wait, he's too busy smoking cigarettes to do that. **and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.

We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **But he's been drinking! He's gonna hit a tree!**

* * *

_._


End file.
